Something small to you may be something big to me…
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In my hypnotherapy session on Wednesday, we were talking about what to focus on next. We set goals to try and help me get better, or at least feel better. It doesn’t have to be a huge goal, it can be something small. Baby steps are still steps. As I dropped out of college, I don’t have that as a goal anymore, so I needed to think of a new one.
My next goal is to go to my dad’s for Christmas from Christmas Eve to Boxing Day. Even though it is only two nights, I don’t think I can do it. This is something my brother does every other weekend, but it’s such a huge deal to me. I haven’t been anywhere out of my house for more than a few hours in such a long time, so three days seems like way too long.
The strategy we are using is to start out with one night Friday to Saturday this weekend and then build it up. I still don’t think I can do it, even though it’s just one night, and I don’t know what I’m going to do. It’s very overwhelming. I always feel worse in the evenings and the mornings and all I want to do is sleep in my own bed at home. Something small for my brother feels like something huge to me.
I’m not sure what I’m going to do at Christmas. I hate that my parents have to drive me everywhere, but I feel especially guilty when it comes to them doing it on Christmas Day. I’m just not ready to stay anywhere overnight. I can’t help it. I’m not trying to be difficult. I don’t want to be like this, but that doesn’t really mean anything to anyone else. I’m stuck with it and it’s not going to go away.
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