It’s already time for A Chronic Voice’s October linkup party – it feels like only yesterday I was writing my first post for May’s linkup party! In this linkup, I’m writing about waiting, parting and persevering in my latest hospital admission. You can see A Chronic Voice’s post for this linkup here.
A Chronic Voice’s 5 prompts for this month are:
Chronic illness is a waiting game. Most of my life is spent waiting for things to happen: doctors appointments, tests, even waiting to be admitted to hospital when I’m in A&E. I’m sure I’m not the only chronically ill person who feels this way too.
I spent most of my last hospital stay waiting. Waiting to see the doctors and then waiting for tests that didn’t show anything. But this isn’t anything new. My tests always come back normal (except for the occasional blood test). Sometimes I’m even waiting for a test to come back abnormal so people can begin to understand what I go through on a daily basis.
This hospital admission was the longest one I’ve had so far – I was there for two weeks! As I was there for so long, I was moved off the admissions ward and onto the gastro ward. This meant parting with familiarity: familiar surroundings and familiar nurses.
But parting isn’t always a bad thing. On the gastro ward, I got to see an amazing gastroenterologist who acknowledged and understood my other conditions and admitted when he needed help from my neurologist to understand my FND.
Possibly the hardest part of my admission was having to go on when I didn’t want to. I had to keep persevering to stay alive. There were times I wished one of my seizures or allergic reactions would kill me so I didn’t have to suffer anymore. But I kept going. I kept trying to eat and drink, even though it triggered my seizures. So did walking, but I kept trying to do that too. I persevered so I could get home, so I could take all the tablets I needed, not just the tablets that were prescribed at the hospital, and so I didn’t have to rely on a feeding tube.
To be honest, I’m not much better than when I was admitted. I’m not having full body tremors and I don’t seize every time I eat, but it still happens sometimes. I’m having to use my wheelchair inside and be carried to and from the car because I’m still having seizures when I walk. But hopefully this will go away with time and practise.